On addiction and confidence

There are infinite number of activities and materials in this world to provide men infinite amount of pleasure 24/7 till death. If I open a porn site, then rest assured I will eventually find something to give into because there will always be a continuous infinite generation of more and more sense-activating pornographic materials at all times. Or be it cigarettes, I will always have something to take a hit and stay high at all times by smoking continuously.

I will thus be intentionally reconditioning my brain to force myself to seek pleasure everytime I feel down. That event would trigger me to enter an address on the search bar or purchasing a cigarette.

The brain has a biological mechanism to balance between happiness and sadness. By always being in a state of pleasure, my brain will be in a state of misery. By seeking more and more pleasure I am making myself more depressed.

More intense dopamine hits numb emotions, make things that give smaller amount of hits less valuable in life. I forgot about the beautiful flower trees on side of the street when I started smoking again. I stopped noticing the chirping of birds when I started listening to music. But I remember being in a state where I could appreciate the smallest things greatly. It also makes men take worse vices.

Addictions and bad habits also severely degrade confidence. It makes me feel more insecure, more powerless, more miserable. But I agree to Louis’s method of gaining True confidence: providing value to people in such a way that they will want to keep me around, they will stick their neck out for me. This might not make me a “kandari” but humans cannot function individually in this world and it’s necessary to develop strong, reliable social circles and have real fun activities.

Finally, there is no absolute scale of measuring success in life. I will walk my own path. I can choose to live with less than others and call it success. Whatever failure I might face on the way will eventually be shortlived in people’s memories.